When i said i forgive you, i really meant forgiving myself.

When i was stabbed in the back by you, i felt the same pain that you went through when you were stabbed by the exact same knife.

Now with this knife in my hands and a mind filled with rage... i am tempted to stab another with it to share this pain.

But i understand... You did what you had to because you just couldnt handle the pain, you couldnt understand why, hence all you wanted at that point was to either erase this pain or to let others know your pain... the hard way.

And you chose me and I paid the price dearly... mentally.

This cycle will continue if i have your foolish mindset. Hence, i shall end it for your sake and those before you but most importantly, my sake.

Hence, i forgive myself.

And bury the knife.

I dont know about you. I am dead to you as much as you are dead to me.

You shall forever be a memory to me.

The present is here and the future... exciting.

Life.

I am alive.

Was I angry at your deceit? No. Im just upset that I can no longer trust you from this point onwards.

After the entire TY drama... now its finally over. I can breathe once more and i learn a few lessons from it. But the most important lesson of all is... Always Stay True to Myself. That is how i will never lose myself and keep forging forward. :-)

Job Hunting and currently other stuff in my life

I haven't written in the blog for awhile already. Thanks to the encouragement from Suet, I am back.

Last i wrote about the pressures of doing the project and how it is driving my lifespan shorter. But guess what, through it all, I am very proud of my work. I managed to achieve First Class division for my GPS Robot. And due to this, I was invited to a brief photo shoot of my work and I. I was told that it will be published in the KDU Brochures of 2011 and also sponsored by KDU to head down to KL for a project convention/competition on the 30th of NOV. I am thrilled by the invitation. Lets hope that I will win any of the 5 prizes at stake with RM1K each prize.

While coping with the transition of a very busy 3 quarters of this year to a really carefree lifestyle after graduation, I find myself driving myself up the wall due to boredom sometimes. I tried to go travelling, went to Thailand, Singapore and Kl(twice). I had a great time in all of these three places. I tried to work on project for others and sorry adry as your's didn't work out like it should have in the end. Bumming around, going out hiking, clubs and etc. I am actually running out of ideas of what to do. I have lost the ability to enjoy such taken for granted freedom like I used to when I was younger. When we were kids, simple minded us would be able to find anything amusing and are able to occupy ourselves easily. I guess that I have to come to realization that I am hitting that maturity age of adulthood. Owh please, friends from overseas, please come back sooner to save me.

Well, right now, i am currently job hunting. I have been getting news that Altera is an excellent company and that is where anyone would wanna start their career. This definitely got me pumping. No reply from them yet. But I guess i will wait for another week before heading for other offers that I have received like Sony and etc. I find that working life exciting as you will be earning cash of your own but at the same time, there are thoughts of I am too young to work that lingers around. I will always reason to myself this, my mum is a single-parent who did an excellent job in raising me up for 10 years without a father at my side. She did her time and right now, she deserves a retirement to enjoy the rest of her days. This is the least that I can provide her after all that she had done. That is why I am determined to get employed when I am still at the age of 21. But me knowing myself, I am a greedy fellow when it comes to choices. I will go for the best offer and this has provided another headache for me as right now I have to weigh in the choices of jobs available and choose the one that is the best for me. I am currently praying to a higher power to present me with a job that fills or almost fills all my needs and expectations.

Please please, let me hear a positive feedback from this job hunting of mine. xD xD

Deadline, Pressure, Fear, Stress

What do i know of these 4 factors? I never really know how these 4 are connected until i entered the final year of my course.

Now i am trapped in a world of fear. Waking up to a single thought, going through a day with that single thought and going to bed together with it. I dreamed for that day, the day whereby i no longer lived my life controlled by such fear. A day whereby i can smile and breath the fresh air and finally screamed I MADE IT.

I have a mountain to climb, the destination so far and unseen from where i am standing right now. Will i ever reach it? Will i ever get it if i were to let myself to be controlled by fear? If so, my logic mind would tell me that dream all u want, jiew, u will never get it.. ever...

So how do i move on to achieve that goal of mine. Ironically through this blog. Giving away a piece of me here to release myself a little from the insanity that i am facing. After this, i will strive even harder, drag my feet step by step just to reach that mountain peak. Again i ask, will i ever reach it?

If i give up on it, i will NEVER get it. If i were to at least wish or have some hope, i might get it. . . . . . eventually.

Ill make it up to her Next Time

This is for a certain someone, if shes reading this, she would know what i am talking about.

Was really busy that week. My brainwaves are filled with GPS GPS GPS and i just cant get my mind out of it but she came back from Kl and invited me to a movie. Clash of the titans. Actually i watched it already with cecilia and kelvin. But its her, so what the hell, ill just go anyway, havent seen her in quite a while and yea kinda miss seeing her. xD

Well, upon reaching the place, i found out that wow, she brought quite a number of people. Lol. Well i dont really mind but throughout the movie, i just cant god damn concentrate on it. Everytime i see those bloody zeus high in the sky, it just BLOODY REMINDS ME OF SATELLITES! GPS = Satellites , get it?

The movie ended, and for some reason, i ditched HER and her friends ( of all people, her T_T ) to go back to the lab to test on the GPS. It WORKED! I was rejoiced! One brick out of my brain. But later on, i felt kinda bad and horrible. How could i have done wat i did. The old jiewy would do no such thing. At that moment, i realized that i have changed. I used to be carefree but now i am turning in a WORK DEMON but can i really blame my project for the changed me? I wonder, i cant help but wonder.

I need a break.

When she comes back again, ill make it up to her. Thats a promise. I mean its like officially written in this blog right..

Im back .. Miss me Miss me? ... Guess not

Well, its been AGES since my last post.. Like seriously ages... 1 year? Plus plus.

Dawn of a new year and its filled with calamities already. Earthquakes etc... Whats going on here...? Is the Mayan predictions gonna come true? Ahh screw that, im too bothered to think about that. Its my final year.

Final year = final year project.

TITLE: GPS Robot.. I know sounds cool right.. But hell hard like hell to do.. Satan is definitely screwing up my ass here.. Oh well, the things i gotta face to get a first class..

I will post more on my project once i get things going..

Till now its just me getting the GPS Module, the GPS eval board and ummm the microcontroller.. Have yet to acquire the robot but im starting to get the GPS connected to the satellite.

WISH ME LUCK!